Like with our roles, we rarely stop to reflect deeply on our values or personal qualities—considering what they are, where they came from, and whether the expression of these values aligns with our roles. It is essential to do this to ensure that you are being the person you want to be in the context of your various roles.
There are many tools to facilitate this task, but I recommend the Values in Action (VIA) Character Strengths Survey (viacharacter.org). It was developed by psychologist Christopher Peterson, one of the founders of the positive psychology movement. It is a free and quick questionnaire (taking under 15 minutes to complete) that helps you identify your main interests, skills, and personality traits—what makes you you and helps you feel engaged with life.
The survey report—or indeed, the output of any profiling tool you might choose for this purpose—can help you reflect on whether and to what extent you're manifesting these characteristics and values in your daily life.
Understanding our values gives us the opportunity to express ourselves within each of our roles. Once we are clear on our values in relation to each role, we can express these values through specific actions or behaviours. These are values in action—our strengths being put to good use.
Tying behaviors and actions to our values ensures that we are being, or becoming, the person we want to be in each of our roles. Engaging in these behaviors or performing these actions confirms that we are living according to our values. When we act in ways that contradict the values we’ve committed to, we become aware that we are violating our values and not being the person we aspire to be.
Role Framework Example
As a father, I hope to be loving, playful, attentive, encouraging, supportive, respectful, authentic, and kind. As you can see in my Role Framework example, I have tied these values and qualities to specific behaviours or actions.
To be loving, I say the words often to ensure this is never in doubt.
To be playful, I might act silly, respond to my son’s playful banter, or, in the spur of the moment, instigate a game of ‘indoor catch.’
To be attentive, I do my best to listen to him without hijacking our conversations or giving unsolicited advice.
To be encouraging, I take an interest in my son’s passions, even when they don’t align with mine. I listen to him talk about his interests and ask questions.
To be supportive, I invest in his interests, particularly his love for music. This has included paying for music lessons and buying him music editing software.
To be respectful, I acknowledge his views and opinions, give him space, and, above all else, try not to influence what he wants to do.
To be authentic, I admit my mistakes and apologize when I’ve been wrong. This takes courage, honesty, and integrity. Being true to our values often brings other values or personal qualities to the surface, helping us grow and become closer to the person we want to be.
And of course, I try to be kind and caring as much as I can, because I believe these are qualities a father should have—and they come naturally to me.
Rolefulness Reflection
In addition to taking the Rolefulness Scale and completing the Role Framework exercise, Daiki and I encourage you to reflect on and journal about your current roles and the meaning and value they bring to your life.
After completing the Role Framework exercise for several roles, take time to reflect more deeply. Write out in detail the actions you take to support each role. Then, reflect on and describe the feelings you experience in relation to these roles.
Step 1
Let’s reflect on the roles you perform in daily life. You likely have multiple specific roles—within your family, professional life, and social life. Describe the actions you take to support these roles, no matter how insignificant these actions may seem. Be as detailed as possible.
Use the following examples as a guide:
ROLE: Father
In my role as a father, I make sure to tell my children I love them every day. I take time to play with them, and on weekends, I support them by taking them to their sporting activities. On Sunday mornings, I cook pancakes for them. If they have a problem and want to talk, I try to listen rather than immediately offer advice.
ROLE: Friend
In my role as a friend, I like to think that I am always there for my friends and that I am someone they can rely on. I listen patiently when they talk about their problems. If they need help, I offer it. If I haven’t heard from them in a while, I call to check on them and see how they are doing.
Step 2
Next, let’s reflect on the feelings you experience in relation to your roles. Describe the emotions that arise when you think deeply about your roles. Be as detailed as possible.
Use the following examples as a guide:
ROLE: Father
I feel a sense of purpose in my role as a father. I want to be a good father and do my best to be a positive role model. I feel that my children love me, which makes me very happy. Fatherhood comes naturally to me, so I rarely feel challenged in this role. Being a father is who I am.
ROLE: Friend
I enjoy my role as a friend. It gives me the opportunity to be myself. I feel joy and a sense of pride in the friendship I offer my close friends. I know I am a caring person when it comes to my friends, so I feel good about myself. I know my friends appreciate me, which makes me feel that I matter to them.
As you can see, taking time to reflect on your behaviors and feelings related to a specific role provides you with a benchmark to live up to across all areas of your life.
However, defining our roles is just the first step. We need to ensure that the definition or image of our role is compatible with the person who reciprocates that role. The next step is to ensure that we have role synergy with others.