The third behavior to increase rolefulness is expressing gratitude.
Expressing gratitude isn’t just a feel-good activity; it’s a powerful way to create and enhance rolefulness. When you take the time to genuinely thank someone, you’re doing more than just acknowledging their efforts. You’re stepping into a role that values and appreciates others. This sets the stage for deeper connections and reinforces your role as someone who fosters positivity and respect.
I feel this whenever I visit Japan. Since I have family and friends there, I am always well looked after. I’m often invited out, treated to meals, and given gifts. Then there’s the omotenashi—the exceptional hospitality, outstanding customer service, and the general affability of the people.
These interactions and experiences generate feelings of appreciation and respect. As such, I feel compelled to express gratitude—not just with a casual “thanks,” but with presence of mind and intention. I want to reciprocate at the same level of service or kindness I’ve received. It could be described as a type of reciprocal gratitude, where I want to give back as much as I’ve received. In this way, thanking someone is no longer just an expression—it becomes a role to perform with integrity.
This process of mindful gratitude enhances your own sense of rolefulness. When you regularly practice gratitude, you reinforce your role as a connector and motivator in your social world.
It shifts your focus from simply doing the right thing to fulfilling a meaningful role that you can engage in at any time. Over time, this creates a feedback loop where your role as a grateful individual becomes more ingrained, and your sense of purpose and fulfillment in all roles deepens.
It’s like having a superpower that transforms everyday exchanges into meaningful connections, making you feel more engaged and valued in your roles, whether at work or in your personal life.
Omoiyari
Omoiyari is considered one of the most important ideals in Japanese cultural values and communication. It is a guiding principle for how to interact with others and something that parents hope their children will develop. This concept is also promoted in schools.
The prefix "omoi-" comes from the verb omou, which means "to think" or "to have concern for others," while the suffix "-yari" is from the verb yaru, meaning "to do" or "to send." When you practice omoiyari, you are sending or acting on your thoughts.
Essentially, omoiyari is the desire to take action or send altruistic thoughts to others when needed. It involves empathy but goes beyond it—it's about understanding the feelings of others without involving the concept of self. You voluntarily try to put yourself in someone else's position to understand their feelings. When you act with omoiyari, there is no expectation of reward or gratitude from others.
Omoiyari is not always about actively doing something for others; it can also involve choosing to do nothing—such as not saying something you want to say or refraining from doing something you want to do out of consideration for another person’s feelings. This Japanese way of thinking may challenge your sense of personal freedom, and you might feel it’s your right to say or do what you want, when you want.
However, holding back and refraining from expressing certain thoughts or actions for the sake of others is also an expression of personal freedom that can benefit both yourself and the greater good. You can tie omoiyari to your roles.
Knowing when to speak and when to remain silent requires a form of social awareness or social intelligence, encapsulated by the Japanese idiom kūki wo yomu. Kūki means "air" and yomu means "to read," so this phrase directly translates to "reading the air." It is similar to the expression "reading between the lines," as it refers to nonverbal communication where you are attuned to the feelings and needs of the people around you.
It is important to find a balance between holding back and expressing yourself, as being overly cautious or "reading the air" too much can lead to stress and suppressing your own opinions. To find this balance, you need to be in tune with your own feelings while also being socially aware. You should always feel free to express yourself, but at the same time, be mindful of how your words and actions might impact others. Thoughtful judgment is key—we need to read the air carefully.